A Confession Letter to My Son

Dear Kaize,

This letter is long overdue, my sweet boy. For years, I’ve carried this deep love for you in my heart, yet the words struggled to find their way onto paper. But today, in April 2024, with you at four years and six months old, I can no longer let this sentiment drift unspoken.

Time has flown by, my little one, and I can hardly believe how quickly you’ve grown. Gone is the baby face I once knew, replaced by the vibrant spirit of the boy you’ve become.

First and foremost, I want you to know that you are the greatest blessing of my life. I waited for you with eager anticipation, dreaming of the day I would become a mother. You, my dear, have fulfilled every hope and aspiration I ever held. You’ve made me whole in a way I never thought possible.

In January 2019, amidst tumultuous mood swings, your father and I decided it was time to take a test with this usual mental changes. And there it was, in an instant—the unmistakable sign of two red lines. In that moment, my heart overflowed with joy. Yes, I was going to be a mother, and you were the reason for my newfound happiness. You, my darling, gave purpose to my life in Germany, where I had felt so alone for so long.

Throughout my pregnancy, I experienced the typical symptoms—nausea, sleepless nights, and back pain—but every discomfort was a small price to pay for the miracle growing inside me. I cherished every moment, talking to you, feeling your kicks, and imagining the day you would join our family.

Even before you were born, you were a traveler and an explorer. Together, we journeyed through Europe, from Finland to France, leaving our footprints along the shores of the Netherlands, wandering through the sleepless city of Amsterdam, standing in the heart of old town in Astoria, and even attending an Ed Sheeran concert when you were just six months old in my tummy. There, we listened to “Perfect” and felt its lyrics resonate deep within our hearts. You, my dear, reignited my capacity to love.

Becoming a full-time mother on September 29, 2019, was the greatest gift I could have asked for. Yes, I gave you life, but in return, you gave me mine—in Germany!

Here, I will record every tiny moment of your growth journey. I wouldn’t call it a blog; I’d call it an affectionate gift from a mother to her son, straight from the heart.

Ich liebe dich, my son. 妈妈爱你, always and forever.

With all my love,

Mom