From a €40 Toy to Buying Souvenirs with Friends – Finding the Balance in Financial Education

As parents, we all want our children to learn the value of money. We hope they grow up to be sensible, independent, and not driven by impulse or comparison. But in real life, teaching this isn’t as simple as just saying, “Don’t buy it, it’s too expensive.”

One day, I told my child: “You can buy a toy, but only if you use your own pocket money.” I thought he’d pick something small, maybe €10 or €15. But to my surprise, he confidently chose a toy that cost €40—which happened to be his entire savings from the past few months.

I hesitated. Was it worth it? Should I stop him? But in the end, I agreed—because I want to be a parent who keeps their word, and I want my child to learn that with freedom comes responsibility.

However, my partner didn’t support the decision. He thought we were spoiling him, especially at an age where he’s still forming his sense of value.

That experience made me realize that financial education isn’t just a conversation between parent and child—it’s something that both parents need to align on together.

1. When a Child Wants Something: It’s Not Just About Buying or Not Buying

In traditional cultures, especially in mine, thriftiness is a virtue. But today’s children grow up in a completely different world—one where advertising is everywhere, desires are immediate, and consumption is often seen as a lifestyle.

So instead of jumping to “No, that’s too expensive,” we now treat these moments as opportunities to have meaningful conversations.

Some helpful ways to guide them:

“Why do you like it? Is it something you truly want, or because you saw someone else with it?” “How long do you think you’ll use this?” “Is this worth spending all your savings?”

By asking questions like these, children learn how to make thoughtful decisions and delay gratification—skills that go far beyond just saving money.

2. Paid Chores: Teaching the Value of Money Without Undermining Responsibility

Many families consider giving money in exchange for chores. It’s a practical way to teach that money doesn’t come out of nowhere—it’s earned. And yes, it can help children become more financially aware.

But there’s a risk: if every task has a price, children might start thinking “I only help out if I get paid”—undermining their sense of contribution and shared responsibility.

A balanced approach could be:

Divide chores into two types: basic responsibilities (like tidying toys or setting the table), and extra work (like washing the car or cleaning a storage area). Pocket money is only tied to the extra work, not the daily expected tasks.

This way, children learn that some contributions are expected simply because they’re part of a family—not everything is a transaction.

3. After the €40 Toy: We Started Budgeting Before Outings

That toy-buying incident made something clear: simply telling a child “use your own money” isn’t enough. They also need help learning how to plan spending.

Now, before we go out, we sit down together and set a spending budget.

For example: “You can spend up to €20 on this trip. That can be one souvenir or two small items.” Within that budget, our child has full freedom. And slowly, they’re learning to prioritize and plan.

That kind of freedom within boundaries lays the groundwork for future financial independence.

4. What Happens When Friends Are Around? Teaching Empathy Without People-Pleasing

Another time, we went on a trip with a family friend. At the gift shop, my child picked a small item and wanted to buy it with his own money. But I noticed that his friend’s parents weren’t letting their child buy anything.

I paused—should I ask him not to buy it, for the sake of “fairness”? Would it make the other child uncomfortable?

Instead, I quietly asked my son, “Do you really want this, or are you buying it because your friend is looking too?” He thought about it and said, “I really like it.”

So I let him buy it. But I used the moment to gently explain: “Sometimes other people won’t buy something—not because they don’t want to, but maybe because of different rules in their family. You’re allowed to make your own choice because you planned and saved. That’s okay. But also remember: we don’t need to do something just because someone else is doing it, or hold back just because they aren’t.”

These are subtle but important lessons—about respecting others’ differences, while staying true to your own decisions. We want our kids to grow up with empathy, not people-pleasing.

5. The Family Financial Lab: Real-Life Practice Is the Best Teacher

Our home has now become a kind of mini family economy lab. Instead of lectures on frugality or responsibility, we invite our child to participate in real-life financial decisions:

We keep a small spending log together. He sets short-term savings goals—like buying a puzzle or book. At the end of each month, we look back together at how the money was spent—was he happy with those choices? Most importantly, my partner and I now discuss and align on our approach before setting expectations with our child, so we avoid confusion or disagreement in front of him.

Final Thoughts

Children don’t develop a healthy sense of money overnight. It happens through many small moments: joy, regret, peer pressure, pride. They learn by doing—sometimes by spending too much, sometimes by realizing what wasn’t worth it.

As parents, our job isn’t to control every choice they make. It’s to stand beside them, asking the right questions, offering structure, and being their safety net when things don’t go perfectly.

Teaching them about money is really about teaching them about values—freedom, responsibility, self-awareness, and empathy. It’s not just about numbers—it’s about becoming a thoughtful, grounded person in the world.

孩子说“我想买这个”时，我们应该怎么回应？——谈金钱教育中的自由、节俭与责任感

从40欧元玩具到和朋友出游买纪念品，金钱观教育的边界与温度

当父母，我们总是希望教会孩子“珍惜”和“节俭”，但现实却总是不按教科书出牌。

比如，有一天我告诉孩子：“你可以买玩具，但得用自己的零花钱。”我原以为他会选个十几欧的小东西，但没想到，他毫不犹豫地挑了一个40欧元的大玩具。那几乎是他几个月来积攒的全部储蓄。

我心里闪过许多念头：这玩具真的值吗？我们要不要干预？是否应该重新谈判？但最后，我还是决定尊重他——我希望自己是一个言出必行的家长，更希望孩子能从中体会到“自由选择”也意味着“自己承担后果”。

然而，这个决定却没得到我伴侣的支持。他觉得我们太纵容孩子，尤其是在价值观的建立阶段不该“睁一只眼闭一只眼”。

这次经历让我深刻意识到：金钱教育不仅是亲子之间的课题，也必须是父母之间的共识。

一、孩子想买东西：不是买与不买，而是谈与思考的机会

在我们的文化中，节约一直是根深蒂固的观念。然而，今天的孩子面对的是另一个世界：消费早熟、选择众多、广告无孔不入。我们不能只靠“不能买”“太贵了”来应对孩子的购买欲望。

每一次孩子说“我想要”时，其实是一次难得的教育契机。

我们可以这样引导：

“你为什么喜欢它？是因为你真的想要，还是因为看到别人有？” “这个东西会用多久？买了它，还有其他想买的东西要推迟吗？” “它值你这几个月的全部积蓄吗？”

通过这些问题，孩子会逐渐学会权衡、判断与延迟满足，而这，比单纯的“节俭”更深远。

二、有偿劳动：金钱意识的培养，也需界限感

许多家庭会通过“做家务换零花钱”来引导孩子意识到“赚钱不易”。这个方式在现代社会的确有其正面意义：孩子能更早认识金钱的来之不易，也会更珍惜花出去的每一笔钱。

但这也容易带来副作用：如果家务都变成了“有偿劳动”，孩子可能会误以为**“只有付钱我才需要为家庭付出”**。

建议的做法是：

把家务分为两类：日常责任（如整理玩具、洗自己的碗）与额外工作（如洗车、收拾杂物）； 零花钱只与额外工作挂钩，而责任类家务是作为家庭成员应尽的部分。

这样一来，孩子既能建立金钱与劳动的关联，又不会混淆“家庭责任”与“经济交易”的边界。

三、从40欧玩具之后：我们开始制定“出门购物预算”

那次40欧元的玩具购买之后，我意识到：只告诉孩子“你可以用自己的钱买”，远远不够。我们还需要帮助他学会计划消费。

于是我们开始了一个新习惯：每次出门前，我们一起制定购物预算。

比如：“这次旅行最多可以花20欧，能买一个纪念品或两样小物件。”孩子在预算框架内有自由，但也逐渐学会了取舍与规划。

而这种“框架中的自由”，恰恰是未来理财习惯的雏形。

四、朋友一起出游时，孩子是否该“看别人脸色”消费？

另一次出游，我带孩子与朋友家庭一起逛纪念品店。他很快看中了一件小物件，想用自己的零花钱买下。但我注意到，他朋友的父母并没有打算给他们的孩子买任何东西。

我犹豫了一下，蹲下来轻声问他：“你是真的喜欢这个，还是看到朋友也看才想买？”他想了一下，很认真地说：“我真的很喜欢。”

我点头同意了，但也趁机跟他聊了一会儿：“有时候你会发现，别人不买东西可能是因为家里的安排不同。我们可以买，是因为你提前计划好了、也愿意用自己的钱。但不要因为别人没买，就觉得自己错了；也不要觉得别人必须要和你一样。”

在社交场合中，金钱教育变得更加细腻。

我们既要避免孩子因“怕别人没买而自我压抑”，也要帮助他看清“买东西不是为了取悦别人”。这是在教会他尊重他人差异的同时，也尊重自己内心的声音。

五、家庭财政实验室：生活中最真实的教育场

我们现在称我们的家是一个“小型家庭经济实验室”。我们不再用说教方式讲“节俭”“责任感”，而是邀请孩子一同参与我们的金钱计划：

和他一起记账，记录他的零花钱如何花出去了； 鼓励他设定小目标，比如攒钱买一本心仪的书或拼图； 每月进行一次“消费回顾”，复盘他的选择是否满意； 和伴侣达成一致规则，避免在孩子面前出现“父母意见不合”的混乱信号。

写在最后

孩子对金钱的理解，并不是一蹴而就的，而是在无数次小决策、冲突、对话中慢慢形成。

他们会经历“花光所有储蓄换一个不值得的玩具”的懊悔，也会经历“和朋友不同选择”的尴尬，但正是这些过程，让他们真正理解什么叫做选择，什么叫做责任。

我们作为父母的任务，不是控制他们的一切选择，而是陪伴他们学会选择的背后逻辑。

金钱教育，其实就是价值观教育。是在教他们认识世界的方式，也是在帮助他们认识自己。